A roller coaster 24

This year, is defintely one of the roller coaster ride year for me. Why? Lets see...

LOVE
The previous one - here it goes, i've been going out with the bugger for a bloody long 6 years, and i finally was kicked out of the relationship. Reason being, I am not the one that he's willing to settle/commit for at this point of time. Fine, god bless that, now, i find that i can live without him in my life and there's so much better to look for ahead. But the fuck up part is - for 6 ýears, there's memory, because of these memories, it sometimes trigger my brain to think of him which i totally didnt not want and cant wait to get rid of. No Memories, no him in my life. Just let me go. As i am not a nice person at all, i thank him for leaving me, really, and i definitely won't wish 'áll the best' for him because i think my life should always be better than his.
My current, ;D, yah, the prey - Never see a man who can love me that much cause i don't know what in me worth so much of love. Frends said based on how he treated me, he is head over heel for me. Weird, who would love a nasty fatty like me so much leh. Anyway, i thank him for loving me, for being there for me when i am not treating him fairly, for his tolerance with me while i am so hooked up with all those fuck up memories. For the guidance he provided for how i should walk, see and feel my path of life. Sometimes, i think he's a bit dumb dumb and low IQ and i got upset with it as he's being too dumb. But come to think about it, Hey, nvm, at least a dumb one would not be smart enough to cheat u to go out with another woman. ;P I love u babeh!

FRENDS
This chapter gonna be a miserably short one. Y? Because i only have 2 real close frends mah. One is now in Spore, ok, there goes my weekly yum cha. No more yum cha buddy. Another one, just announced to me that he's probably goin to Vietnam. Mine Mine. No more frend frend. Really, what am i supposed to do when i need someone around to talk to or just to share/laugh about life? God, please grant me a frend.....

CAREER
This one ahh, this is the most fuck up one lah. For the 3 years invested for the same field, i finally have to admit that i cant and will not do well in this. So, what am i supposed to do next? I am really clueless, worst case, be a cafe barista loh. It is a turning point in my career now and i am afraid to make the move. Dare not resign as i need an income but am going thru hell with this job. Real hell! the only good thing is i learn to be independent. hmm...maybe independant.

Well, in summary, i have a really fuck up year for this year. Am i depress, i think i am, but then again, how could someone in depression have such good apetite, can eat and grow fat steadily. Would i suicide as i am really really a lost soul now? frend, watch out for that. I may.

Ohh by the way, should i really die dee, please bring nasi lemak to serve when u visit my grave, and i like kerang for the side dish and fried mata kerbau egg, telur kukus is not good enough for me yah.